the tale of two thoughts

Idk guys I'm really feeling this guy. But I'm skeptical. I always fall for the ones who's style/character i hate the most. Dudes 18, working[that's good], not that tall[hate average height guys], from harlem[WOW, but he hates harlem niggas]...LOL Haitian... but regardless, he's growing on me, bout to go out with him... ;D
______________________
On a heavier note, I wish I could have gone to Belize with my mom to go bury my grandmother, but my passport is expired ⌐_⌐. In a sense, I feel that it was a good thing for my grandma to pass. She couldn't walk ever since I seen her 5 years ago. And it hurt me to see her lying in her bed all day cuz she couldn't walk. Thinking about it is making me tear. God bless Jennifer Miranda, my mother. She took time off about twice a year to go take care of my grandmother. Her sister too, Nelsia Sebastian. Out of the 4 other sisters my mother has, only her and my aunt took the time out to take care of my grandmother. How dare they not care about their own mother! Like on some real shit, how the fuck can you not take the time out to visit your sick mother, your dying mother, the lady that gave you life? Aside all the bullshit. I know for a fact, aside all the problems that could occur during my life with my mother, my sister and I would do anything for her.
______________________
It makes it damn side worse to know that I will never ever see my grandmother again; only at her grave. I miss Belize, my family, my house near the beach, going swimming everyday, the carefree attitude there, damn I needa visit. I actually wanna go to college there, but its in the City, and I don't think I know anyone in the city.
I always have a feeling of not belonging. Everytime I used to go see my family, I felt left out. Everyone speaking creole and ish and me with my American accent, they make fun of me, and tease me for not eating our national dish. SORRY! shit tastes nasty, got fish in it, I hate cooked fish. But now I think is the right time to go; I'm 16, mad parties going on, legal drinking age is 18 there....I'm set.

Now that my grandma is gone, I feel that I don't have a place there anymore.