facts 51-100 about me.

*I realize angelica has like a big ass influence on me, or in other words I bite off of her ;D.*
**Chanel, you rock! You're soo real, it seems fake. Hah. ;P**

51. I have some extra baggage.
52. I enjoy raspberry flavored beverages.
53. I want to shave my head.
54. I like staying home most times.
55. I went through a minor depression before.
56. I like reading about countries in Africa.
57. The Darfur genocide makes me sad.
58. I'm a borderline necrophiliac. Seriously.
59. I watch porn.
60. I look down on the "ghetto" black community.
61. I can't keep my room clean.
62. I wear dunks, low top converse, and keds.
63. I wash my hands everyday when I wake up, before brushing my teeth.
64.I wish people would call me more.
65. Marijuana pon di corner, it keeps me calmer.
66. I find the LRA interesting.
67. I need to broaden my horizons.
68. I like to grope people.
69. I love ham.
70. I'd rather yahoo it, than google it.
71. I wanna travel the world to the farthest island.
72. I blog my raw feelings.
73. I hate hoodrats.
74. I would die to meet Bob Marley.
75. I was a pretty baby.
76. I hate the xmas season and my birthday.
77. I can't stay mad.
78. Reggae music is real music.
79. I live in a condominium.
80. Dark dominicans KNOW they are black.
81. I have a rasta godfather.
82. I want to go to Brooklyn College or a college in Belize.
83. Both my godfathers are potheads.
84. I finally got rainboots.
85. I scam my parents for money.
86. I hate wearing my tims because I know I look like a negro.
87. Don't take my kindness for weakness.
88. I have 2 favorite cousins.
89. I like cooking occasionally.
90. I love talking about Pharrell, and if you like him as much as I do, you rock.
91. I like abstract thinkers.
92. I think everything is generic.
93. I think the adult world has no idea how much power teenagers have.
94. Soulja Boy fails as a rapper.
95. Rejection hurts me!
96. I say "fail" and "you fail" so much, it spread to another school.
97. I need to get mad more.
98. I get my hopes up too often.
99. I have a love/hate relationship with my neighborhood.
100. I get weird feelings.[Interpret this however you want to.]

I'm a borderline necrophiliac.

Fun day today with _____!

Bryce's xmas gift to me!
THANX! I didn't even notice the stussy in the sunglasses.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Nice ass cardigan Bryce picked out for me at Beacon's Closet!
Even my fam thinks its cool. The brand is Gsus, peeped the website, and a cardigan like that is worth 85 buxx even though it cost me 16 cash!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



Peep the mishka stickers! Shit is tough, and its right by my block. LOL I tried to get some, but they're all stuck. =[











Homebound after a fun day!

what's wrong with me?

I wish people would call me more just to see "how I'm doing". I actually like conversing on the phone. Like, do I offend, is there something wrong with me?, but lemme not bitch anymore haha, just a feeling I thought I would put in here. I've been highly emotional lately. Damn periods! I never was bitchy before, but I don't know! maybe I'm changing. I don't want to become what I hate; a bitch. Oh well, knowing me, I'll get over myself. I think i might be going back into my minor depression. For those who recall, which might not be any, from the middle of September to about early November, I was really down and lonely. Like I woke up every morning tired, not wanting to go to school. I put up a front ev-ery day. Came home to an empty home because Mommy was in Belize and Daddy decided to not be home. I guess that was his way of not dealing with me. Came home tired too, Urban Dove drained the shit outta me man. I just remember putting up a crazy front, trying to act all upbeat and zany like the normal Kelsey knowing I really was so fucking down and tired; not wanting to do shit, not wanting to have fun. My idea of fun was going home to my bed. Then I don't know what it was, but something just brought me outta my funk. I guess it was friends, or myself, but I've been doing good, up to now. I think its the holidays,[refer to previous post] but hopefully I'll get over this too, I hate people seeing me sad and showing pity.


I digress.

eff xmasssss

Wanna know why I hate christmas? Its because I never experienced the perfect one. Parents never ask what I want for xmas, therefore I've trained myself to not get my hopes up, and not wish for anything that I want. AND its not like my family's poor. They just wanna make me suffer because they grew up poor and didn't have a good birthday or xmas. WHY let your children suffer when you know that you can give them a better life than what you had?

Sigh, people ask me what I want, and I say nothing. They look at me like HUH? WHAT?..and I'm like...yeaaaa nothing. I know it seems like I'm bitching, cuz there's always that group of people saying "Oh, you should be lucky that you at least get to have an xmas...", BUT is it wrong for me to dream of the perfect xmas with family giving you whatever you want? Am I wrong?

I think not.

This xmas was actually life chagning, I actually bought a gift for someone, now, I don't know what came over me, but it felt great doing it. If my parents would give me money more often, I would buy the most important people a gift, but they don't, and I can't. I guess I'm gonna get a gift in return, and I hope I do, and I think its gonna feel damn good when I get something that I yearn.

Merry fucking Christmas.

2 things on my mind.

1. You know what I hate, fake people, like bitches with myspace pictures that do not look anything like them in real life. Maybe their pictures reflect who they really wanna be. But I don't know, it really grinds my gears. And 2 faced chicks. Not that they ever crossed me, oh wait yes they have. Like this chick that I used to be really cool with, said I was ugly to my other group of friends. Yet you can't say it to my face, like c'mon. It doesn't even matter though because she's stupid. Gotta learn to dust that shit off. I was never the type to get mad or sad over minute[my-nute]stuff, and I'm happy that I do not have a short temper, but people sometimes take my kindness for weakness. Not having that.


2. I honestly think my parents like my sister more than me. Better yet I know it . I even cried at Camp Lenox about this when we were having a group cry that I triggered, haha. Rents say they don't, but I'm pretty sure they do. Like we were equal in grades and behavior until i got to highschool. My grades in middle school were beautiful. I was on honor roll and in a specialized class for smart kids. I didn't even have to work that hard. 93 average and everything man. Here comes highschool, down to a 75 average. I know that's not failing, but I know my intelligence is better than that, but my parents don't think I care, but I really do. Like I had a 67 average at one point, and I cried, cried alot.[Kelsey still never cries.] I'm trying though, I really am.


Anyways, pertaining to the sister situation, her name: Jasmine, 19 yrs old, sophomore in college, like on the dean's list with a 3.8 gpa. Does everything mommy and daddy tell her to do. What the fuck? She really gets whatever she wants and it bothers the fuck out of me, like I'm pretty sure it seems like im whining about materialistic shit but I'm not. They're nicer to her, they enjoy her company more, all of that. Even in highschool 95 average for all her 4 years, and she graduated with a 95 average and 66 credits. That makes me feel like a failure.




Yeh meng, Kelsey got issues too. =\

life in a nutshell.

angelica influenced me!

I wake up to filth everyday.
This is why I don't invite people to my house.
Nahhhh, I'll clean my room eventually.










I'm a couch rider.
That's a possible beating from mommy right there.
Hell yea I wear house slippers!










Peep the mayonnaise.
and the huevos.
Oh Damn, daddy forgot to buy grape punch.











I play this for 6hrs straight on weekends.
Its beautiful and black.
Like me! HAHA.













anybody wanna open my shell?

ghetto ass niggas.

once upon a time, there was a girl named ______. She was attracted to ghetto ass niggas. Then she found out that ghetto ass niggas do ghetto ass things. So, she concluded that ghetto ass niggas should stick to ghetto ass birds, and she's not into them as much as before.


I never grew up in the so-called "ghetto". I always grew up in a really nice neighborhood; really quiet, lots of white people. That obviously had an affect on my upbringing. Seriously, other ethnic groups think blacks grow up in a deprived environment; that we experience drug trades and shootouts. Not me, and I'm thankful for it. Ha, I use correct grammar when i speak most of the times, I use big words occasionally, and carry myself with composure.

Well, they say you yearn for something you don't have, or want. As I got older I started to find these hoodlums attractive. and I did until September o8. He was "ghetto" but had a way different and kind side to him, and that's what caught me. He accepted me for who I am, and it was like heaven. THEN, one day he decides not to talk to me. I said, "fuck that nigga!" Somewhat broke my heart though.

Therefore, I told myself..."No more ghetto ass niggas, Kelsey!" Because all they do is use you. And they only ones that take their shit are ghetto ass birds. All this I come up with is from my own observations. I see shit, I retain it.

Currently on that:Not looking, but keeping an eye out for that kind kid, that shares alot interests with me, with an edge, likes/loves me for who I am...yadda yadda yadda status.

I hope I don't fall for them again. That's so not me.

why?

I mean why me?

I'm a victim of a crime, in my fucking school out of all places. I've never been a victim of a crime before. First time was in september in 11th grade when my sidekick 3 was stolen. I wasn't really mad, but it was still disappointing. second time was today, angelica's phone and my mp3 and skullcandy headphones were stolen =[ I was tight because the mp3 wasn't even mine, it was my friend jose's. what the fuck.

people always say thieves don't discriminate, and I'm starting to believe it.

I have an idea of who it is...had to be someone who knows angelica's word combination...
people are grimey nowadays man, I tell ya.

shit is wack...
someone needs to make my day better.

am i really doing this?

alright, well it's been a while since i've been on this blogging shit. so much shit i wanna type out but i know i don't have enough time to lay out all the problems and bullshit i'm going through, that's gonna come soon and its possibly gonna be in a long ass essay form. thank you chanel, for turning me onto this, i never really knew i can connect with you like this. actually there are alot of people i never thought to connect with.

^^ see those people, at this point right now, at 10.30pm on 12/11/08, they make my day, they make me smile, they get me through the day, they may not know it, but they mean alot to me. alotalotalot.

i mean, i've known angelica for about 2 yrs now, and she's fucking awesome, hands down.

as for bryce, i've known since like august, not that long ehh, but there's just something about him that's scary cool.

i hope you don't find this weird bryce*